[1] It is permitted for women to visit a graveyard, provided there is (a) no fear of fitna and (b) no wailing or excessive lamenting. [Ibn `Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]
[2] There is nothing wrong with the practice you described. Rather, it is recommended by the vast majority of scholars to donate reward to the deceased as long as there are no blameworthy or prohibited aspects within the gathering itself. [Ibn Humam, Fath al-Qadir; ibn `Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]
